Well, I’m amazed at myself for saying this, but I’ve got to admit that after reading all these articles, I’m presented with solid proof about a surprising fact I previously believed only existed in make-believe land just a few hours ago: it seems that the “glorious” land infested by cowboy-wannabes, gun-worshippers, and moronic families (which are so unfathomably inbred that their genealogical trees most likely look like clustered tumbleweeds) that is Texas is not the brain-dead, thick-skulled, “act-before-you-think” redneck congregation I thought it was (feel free to add your own myriad of kind-hearted comments to this accurate list as you please. You don’t have to force yourself though – I doubt any of you are particularly proud to even be referred to as the same species as Mr. Bush and his numerous followers). In fact, their careful studies and proven results pertaining on the rehabilitation of more troubled offenders, such as drug addicts or people possessing some sort of psychological deficiency, consist in a big leap in the right direction. Seeking more cost-effective and more efficient long-term solutions to society’s troubles is a much appreciated change to the traditional “if it ain’t white and/or wealthy and/or bitching about them there terrorizers, it oughta be in a prison cell because I say so” initiative the state was so proud of enforcing. Not only is it a cheaper process to seek treatment for these individuals (who apparently consist of about 80% of the state’s criminal offenders), but helping these people to regain control of their lives can actually create a positive boom within the economy and life in general, considering that those who do clean up their act are capable of finding good work, and are often motivated to assist in social assistance programs such as these, so that they may help others whom have suffered in a way similar to the way they have. Seriously, I may look down on Texans (albeit with good reasons), but this is actually an inspiring action they have taken part in: instead of plainly convicting criminals and tossing them all into the same bunch, they approach a difficult situation in a very humane manner, seeking to offer some of these men and women a passage back into a comfortable, safe existence within their society.
And then there’s Canada. Wow. Pathetic with a capital “P”. These are the kinds of situations that make me ashamed to be a proud believer of inter-provincial Canadian integrity. While I have always been convinced that our Prime minister – who somehow managed to attain a majority government; an astonishing and honestly troubling, feat considering his previous record of unprecedented political screw-ups and faux-pas – is not the brightest bulb on the tree (in fact, I would not be shocked to learn that the man’s IQ is inferior to that of a peacock’s), never would I have thought he would have the gall – or perhaps, on the other hand, the staggeringly dim ignorance – to commit such travesty (thus downgrading the portly robo-politician’s intelligence to a level equal to that of clump of hog “leavings”). Building more prisons across the country, without even considering the hypothesis of increasing funds or financially supporting criminal rehabilitation centers (which could offer more job opportunities for needy Canadians, which would in turn help the economy get rolling again…You know…Like he was supposed to do in the first place) is an action plan his party should not have even considered envisioning. I mean honestly, how many billion dollars did you say this was going to cost us already? Are you suffering from some sort of concussion-born dementia Stephen? Why don’t you ask one our numerous doctors to take a look at you and – Whoops. My bad. Well, technically it is your bad, but let’s not get into that right now, hmm? This makes a man wonder: is our so-called leader – the man who is tasked with assuring the stability and growth of our fair nation – actually thinking about the safety and economy of all Canadians, or is he simply trying to make the duller-minded folks in the country feel at ease (then again, he himself is, as I said earlier, a bit of diamond in the rough without the diamond, which could perhaps explain his uneducated stance on the matter)?
In fact, that’s what’s the most disappointing about all this: people are actually supporting this half-baked (half-baked is a figure of speech of course: uncooked is more pertinent to the situation) idea? This is absolutely despairing to see. Really? We’re actually in favour of something that even Texas, stupidity capital of the world, has judged to be a bad idea? Is this what we want? Staggering, international debt, inconceivable consequences that will be born from this new law bill (which, if I may state my opinion, is little more than a lazy “strengthening” of existing laws that will make unproven suspects even more likely to be falsely imprisoned) and treatable citizens imprisoned for life, turning them into hard core, possibly incurable addicts and offenders? Color me with the hue of vomit and bloody bile, for my disgust cannot be properly expressed without the creation of a few impolite neologisms and long-forgotten curses. For the love of…I can’t even get my thoughts straight here. Forget it. As far as I’m concerned, go grab a shotgun and pump your brain full of pellet until you can’t even twitch anymore, because if Mr. Harper’s motions continue to pass in this way, this will probably be the more comfortable alternative. I know I will! Better that than totally lose it and get incarcerated and executed for disturbing the peace by roaring the F-word with all my might at our lord and saviour, the Prime minister, right? Right. Do I always answer my own questions? Why yes, thank you for asking. Can our little old Stevie admit when he better admit he’s wrong? I’d say no, but I’ve been wrong before. Then again, apparently, he’s never been wrong. So, if you’ll excuse me, I’m about to go bang my head against a concrete wall for the next twenty-five minutes out of patriotic shame and humiliation, as well as uncontrollable despair, born from impending human stupidity. (PS – I will concede one thing: making policies stricter on youths proved guilty of crimes such as murder, rape or attempted manslaughter is an excellent idea: murder is a serious and irremediable crime, no matter who commits it. So how about we start off with little things like this before trying to start a riot, Stephen old pal? For example, how about laying off the Twinkies once in a while? You’d look like a little less of an ass to rest of the world like that. And in your place, I’d take every chance I’d get to even appear like I know what I’m doing.)
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